The cake of happiness!
Angry Recruiter Becomes Jobseekers' Champion
How many times a day do you want something in your life to be better?
Relationships, social life, work life, your health...your boss!
I made the transition from discontent to happiness, and I’d like you to…too!
I grew up a little too angry. It started with the death of my father when I was a young boy. And to cut a long story short: problems not dealt with tend to fester, and become bigger problems, that have knock-on effects in other areas of your life. And if you’re not careful, they may even define you.
Now I can’t blame it all on events beyond my control; I have a passive-aggressive streak that tends to make me a little too direct for some people; or “blunt” to use the words of numerous ex-girlfriends and one estranged-wife!
This – as the title would suggest – is the story of ‘before and after’. It is a story about acknowledging your flaws, and addressing them, to grow…to become. It is my story…of me…a story of transitioning from discontent to happiness.
Now, you might think it would be better to come from the but-look-at-me-now, end, of my life; trouble is I haven’t gotten there yet, and lacking patience is another of my flaws. Besides, those stories about “how I made a gazillion dollars in 20 minutes, and now you can too,” are not always what you want to hear. Trouble is: if you tell your story too soon, people look suspiciously at you as if to imply you’re not yet qualified to have an opinion. So, you can’t win – too soon, you’re not quailed; too late, you’re an egocentric twit! That’s why I’m writing this now – I’m in the middle; I’m an extrovert with some useful opinions…on my specialist subject, which is…
…Job-seeking…and how it’s done in this, the social media era.
But in this article, I hope to inspire at least one person to make changes; to make a similar transition as I have done – from discontent to happiness.
In my job-hopping twenties...
...I left the fun-but-none-too-lucrative business of tennis, and trained up as a recruiter – a Headhunter – specialising in IT. I had to learn a methodology and even scripts. Great! so I was kind of an actor as well!
I hung in there when lots of other trainees came and went. My first year was the toughest year of my professional life. I remember day one… My script required me to tell a Director of a Telecoms company that I was an expert Executive Search Consultant specialising in IT. Shortly after that he got suspicious and invited me to reveal what I knew about his employer. I could see where this was going and after admitting I didn’t know a great deal about specifically his employer, he suggested that that was strange given they were the fourth biggest company of their kind, and I was an “expert”. I swallowed the embarrassment and pressed on, only to talk to a Managing Director who presumably had lost too many key personnel to Headhunters, and felt the need to explain to me how he would “find me and break my legs” if I ever called again.
So, as my first year in recruitment played itself out…throw in a pinch of bullying boss, a sprig of deception and a twist of lies, combined with the realisation that I should have taken that other job at an estate agency; I find myself broke, stressed and…yes, angry! (Angrier in fact. You’ll recall, I was already an angry young man. Not entirely unpleasant; just…angry.)
It came to a head a little over a year into my Recruitment career, when I was inexplicably asked to leave my job. All that resilience and taking of the blows, and just as I’d started to put some numbers on the board, the rug is pulled from under me. I had even set the new branch record for the largest single fee, which even earned me an apology from my immediate boss, for the way he’d treated me.
A year later, the Director called me up to reveal what “actually happened” and yes, had I not been so young and naïve, I might have known it would have involved people sleeping with people and bad business decisions being arrived at as a result. Even worse, he mentioned how much of my pipeline business came good after my departure, and I, of course, never received a dime! Que sera, sera.
Out of anger, I set up my own headhunting business, but for the wrong reasons, hence, it failed. I had taken a temporary part-time job at the fairground, which to my complete surprise, I loved; so I stuck around for two-and-a-half summers. After that, and a stint as Night Porter at a large hotel, I joined the Cabin Crew on-board a ship…Now that was one hectic, mad summer! Oh, and I found my wife there…
…I wish I could tell you that story had a happy ending!
Now, it’s not all doom and gloom. I neglected to mention that despite being very unhappy at school, and for a while, at home; I did have an outlet for my creativity and other urges – playing cornet in a brass band. That was my all-important team sport, and what was so very much more – there were numerous attractive girls in this brass band. Good times!
And yes, I may have been a job-hopping twenty-something, but many valued friendships were formed and validating distractions, enjoyed.
Even my marriage yielded an amazing son with whom I am very close.
So, everything’s alright then?
I can’t help but think there’s an easier way.
If childhood is the caterpillar...
...and frustrated adult-life the chrysalis, how do we complete the metamorphosis into the butterfly of contentment and happiness?
For me it was three things: -
1. Live in the present;
2. Stop worrying (too much) about what other people think;
3. Find your purpose.
As I write this, I’m 46. I returned to recruitment on and off for about 13 of the last 22 years, and these days, I run PimmCo, my own company, through which I help professionals and executives to land jobs and enhance their careers.
And I’m loving it!
My reasons for going it alone; becoming my own boss…two important things happened in my life…
In my latter years as a Recruiter, I gravitated to the only part of the recruitment that I enjoyed – helping jobseekers. I gave them lots of free ad-hoc advice, and to my surprise and delight, they started offering me money and gifts. The second thing: my eleven-year-old son asked me: “Dad, what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” and without hesitation I told him I’d spent most of my career doing jobs that didn’t make me happy. His response: “Duh! Why’d you do that then?” (Harsh, right? Chip off the old block!)
So, I moved to the other side – instead of charging employers to find people, I ceased being a Recruiter and started as an Executive Jobseeker Coach, to make jobseekers my new clients. No more frustrations trying to teach companies to get out of their own way in their recruitment processes, and now I was showing my son that it was actually possible to be happy whilst earning a living.
Hopefully by now, you are thinking about what significant changes you could make in your professional life, to enhance the rest of your life.
Or maybe you’re considering whether the three life-affirming changes that I made, could help you?
1) Living in the Present
Whether you like it or not, the present is where we exist. The past is history, and the future, just a set of ideas. Spend too much time in the past, you won’t be able to move forward. Spend too much time in the future, you’re probably putting way too much pressure on yourself.
Are you like most people, commenting on how incredibly fast the seasons and years are flying by; and how quickly the kids are growing up?
I fondly remember Ferris’s line in the classic film Ferris Beuller’s Day Off: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around, you could miss it!”
And therein lies the advice: take time out, regularly; and take a look around. Enjoy what’s happening around you – as it happens. Take a step back from the stress, and you’ll see the bigger picture.
Be proactive when you want to make something happen, but when you need to relax, sit back and let life come to you. Do that and you might just see the mistakes you’re making before they become irreversible.
2) Stop Worrying (too much) About What Other People Think
People with low self-esteem beat themselves up about what others may or may not think about them. If you do this, you are going through life with shackles on. Why do you need this constant validation that you are enough? Perhaps you weren’t loved enough? Perhaps you were constantly criticised? Whatever the reason, it is holding you back.
Imagine how liberating it is to care less about the opinions of others (as they concern you). Let me put it this way: if enough people tell you that you are beautiful, that you are intelligent, that you are worthwhile…do yourself a favour – believe them! Decide you are and then cross it off your list of worries; stop re-asking the same damaging questions of yourself. Live your life from now on, knowing that you ARE, with all the benefits that that entails. (And there are lots!)
And if they are inclined to put you down? Their negativity towards you probably says more about them than it does about you. It’s pretty easy to tell the difference between people who are putting you down for their own reasons and those who have your best interests at heart. Notice the difference…and grow!
If you constantly seek the approval of others, you are chasing a ghost. Their opinions are just data for you to process. Come to a conclusion yourself, and move on.
Self-esteem and confidence comes from within. Be courageous enough to find it within yourself and you will glide where you once trudged.
3) Find Your Purpose
For me it was helping jobseekers, but on my terms. Working for myself freed me from the confines and frustrations of being managed. It allows me to flex my creative muscles and to work in just about any location. It required me to embark on an exciting journey where I’d have to learn about digital marketing and business development, and of course, organising and pricing my thoughts on how to help professionals and executives find and land jobs, in this hectic social-media era. It offers me excitement and a modicum of control in my life. (I can’t be made redundant again!) It is why I wake up on Monday mornings and look forward to my working week, instead of figuring out new ways to get my boss off my back!
For me, a sense of purpose is the most important single ingredient in the cake of happiness.
You must find yours (if you haven’t already).
And like my advice on self-esteem, it ultimately requires you to have the courage to decide…for yourself…to make the changes you need…to find…
...Happiness!
I wish you luck.
Be courageous!
Richard Pimm